


Super Quite Unlawful Awesome Dudes

by Chucychito



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alcohol, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Villain squad, everyone hates ghetsis, good intentions wip fest, it's been sitting in my drafts since 2017, sorry there's no chairman rose or lusamine...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27104731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chucychito/pseuds/Chucychito
Summary: Every month, the team leaders meet up to discuss recent events and news regarding their evil plans. Why do they invite Ghetsis again?Posted for the Good Intentions WIP fest. Never to be completed (probably).
Relationships: Achroma | Colress/Akagi | Cyrus, Aogiri | Archie/Matsubusa | Maxie, Fleur-de-lis | Lysandre/Sakaki | Giovanni
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32
Collections: Good Intentions: Abandoned and Unfinished WIPs





	Super Quite Unlawful Awesome Dudes

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies in advance, this will probably never be finished. And I'm sorry for any cringe... I tried to keep everyone mostly in character but...Well. You'll see.

"Let the official Super Quite Unlawful Awesome Dudes meeting commence," Giovanni began authoritatively, banging a gavel on the table in an over the top display of leadership (it spelled SQUAD and contrary to what you may expect, all of the villains loved the acronym).

"Is that really necessary?" Maxie asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, cut it out, old man," Guzma agreed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "We get it. You the boss."

Giovanni glared levelly at the two team leaders, a sneer working it's way across his face. Eventually deciding that an argument could potentially escalate to war preparations and that he already had enough on his plate, the leader of Team Rocket turned his gaze back to the others gathered around the decrepit table (Lysandre kept insisting that it was woefully degrading to have the most notorious villains alive using the chipped and wobbly table as a setting for their monthly meetings, but seeing as nobody wanted to invest any money in purchasing a new one, the issue was never to be resolved.) "News?"

"Team Galactic has successfully captured the trio of the lakes," Cyrus said sternly and with more than a hint of arrogance. "The red chain is well on it's way to completion." As an afterthought, he muttered darkly, "if only that girl and her idiot friend would quit sticking their noses in our business."

"Ugh, tell me about it." Ghetsis rolled his eyes. "I can't take one step without my team being bombarded by my nemesis and her unusually strong Pokemon! It's even worse now that I'm certain N has taken some sort of fascination with her, though why, I will never understand."

"You guys are too obvious about your plans," Guzma said casually. "Stay under the radar and no one will suspect ya till it's too late."

"Well, I mean it's hard to be inconspicuous when you're the leader of a crime syndicate," Lysandre said, not unkindly.

Guzma stared at him. “Are you serious? Look at what you’re wearing-- you’re not even trying!”

"Can you believe the Elite Four?" Archie interrupted, setting up for a rant. "Some of us--" he eyed Maxie critically, "-- are out here threatening to destroy the whole world as we know it, and they send measly little scamps to stop us?"

Maxie stared cooly back. "If you're implying that I'm trying to destroy the world, Archie, I'd take a step back and reevaluate your own illogical plans."

Archie sputtered indignantly (probably something like "but water is better than land, bro, everyone knows that") but Colress quickly swept up the remains of the conversation and interrupted a bit snottishly,

"They don't underestimate the power of today's youth."

Cyrus gave Colress a sidelong glance that seemed to linger a bit too long. "The imbeciles are probably scared of the hit their reputation would take if they themselves lost to us. But if a child, armed with nothing but their own naivety and foolish pride, lost in their place? Well, the child can't exactly be blamed."

"I don't know though," Lysandre said a bit disconcertingly. "Sycamore isn't stupid. If he trusts Calem and Serena with the task of destroying Team Flare, I must be prepared for any and all outcomes."

"I don't see why." Guzma snorted, tipping his chair back dangerously. "If you know your own strength, you're golden, ponytaboy."

"It is knowing the strength of your opponent that is the factor in any battle," Colress said intelligently, pushing his glasses up in a classic boast of his scientific prowess.

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Now you're sounding a bit too much like Hala, dude."

Giovanni cleared his throat. "While I appreciate the camaraderie we all seem to share," he tone belied his pleasant words, "I would like to get this meeting over with as soon as possible. I don't currently know what is taking place in Saffron City, and it is imperative for me to return as soon as possible."

"'s the matter? Don't trust your goons?" Guzma's loud laugh broke off in a cry as the legs of his chair tipped too far back and he crashed unceremoniously to the floor.

The other leaders laughed uproariously at Guzma's humiliation as was the usual, (Giovanni especially-- how he loved to witness karma in action), and he clambered irritably to his feet with a glare that could kill. "Shut it, guys."

"In other news," Ghetsis began brightly, and the other villains groaned internally. A happy Ghetsis was an intolerable Ghetsis. "Team Plasma's plans are coming along smoothly. N just needs to be reminded of his place, and things will carry out exactly as planned."

"Don't be too hard on him," Giovanni said, the unbidden thought of his own son forcing its way into the front of his mind. After a moment's hesitation (in which the other team leader's stared warily with varying amounts of skepticism at the most ruthless mobster among them), he added reluctantly, "you don't want him to take off on you, if you still need him for your plans."

Ghetsis sighed wearily. "Yes, unfortunately. I must be careful with what I say and how I say it. Though I loathe to admit it, he isn't as stupid as I'd once believed. He's already forming a kinship with that child-- holder of the black stone, might I add-- and I must tread carefully from here on out."

"To change the subject," Archie's dislike of Ghetsis's plan had never been subtle and he didn't intend to start acting so now. He grinned beguilingly at Maxie before turning to re-address the group. "Team Aqua was successful in finding and taking the blue orb from Mt. Pyre! And I'm sure he would never tell you guys," his voice was growing more gleeful with every word, and his pirate-esque accent grew thicker with it, "but Maxie, here, failed in his ploy to take the red one!"

Maxie's fingers twitched, as if considering reaching for his poke'ball to initiate a fight right then and there, but seemed to think better of it. He exhaled deeply before resuming his apathetic visage. "Really, Archie? Are you five?"

"Which would mean you lost to a five-year-old," Archie said cheekily.

Either sensing an oncoming fight or the blatant sexual tension in the room, Lysandre cleared his throat and changed the topic.

"Team Flare's managed to locate and negotiate with King AZ," his proud smile slipped slightly downwards. "Though he was rather unwilling to give us the information we desperately need. He's currently being held in our prison cells with proper accommodations and cable TV and wifi until further notice."

"Renovations on the Plasma Frigate are about to be undertaken." Colress smiled. "Our ship will be better than ever in just about two years' time."

"It's going to take you two years to fix up your ship?" Archie asked with a disapproving twitch of his lips.

"I don't doubt you could do it faster," Colress said gently, with more condescension than sincerity. "But there's a lot of upgrades that need to be made and there's so much vision for the end product I fear we may have to scrap some features."

"Not my ice lasers," Ghetsis said quickly. "We are NOT scrapping the ice lasers."

"You're putting ice lasers on a frigate?" Guzma asked bewilderedly, at the same time Archie asked in excitement,

"You're putting ice lasers on a frigate?"

"Why in the distortion world--" Cyrus broke off with a sigh and dragged his hand down his face. "I suppose. Human nature, once again testing the laws of practicality and reason."

"Hey," Colress pouted in a very un-Colress-like way. He and Cyrus shared a meaningful look.

"Do you have to be such a buzzkill?" Archie added distastefully, ruining their moment. 

"For your information," Ghetsis said haughtily, "the ice lasers are to serve a very important purpose in the future. They are not just for show."

"Unlike N," Giovanni commented dryly.

Ghetsis's face darkened, and his tone took on a warning note. "That is my business and my business alone, Giovanni. By the way, does your son still hate you?"

Lysandre prided himself with the fact that he was good at defusing conflict when tensions were high-- as seen before with how he'd handled Archie and Maxie's childish squabbling-- and, sensing the danger this conversation was heading into, he knew his time had come once again. He whistled lowly. "Okay, time's up lads. Let's talk about something more important. Namely, the change of uniforms." He turned to Colress. "I see since you've started helping out Ghetsis that some of the Team Plasma grunts' uniforms are transforming from white to black. Excellent choice. Black looks good with anything and anyone, much better than the drab white of the old ones.

"You as well," Lysandre turned to Giovanni. "Making the opposite switch with some of your recruits-- from black to white-- was the perfect change from your old shabby colors. I'm very sure your team's satisfaction rate has increased dramatically since upgrading to a more cheerful alternative."

"Cheerful?" Giovanni asked indignantly. "Team Rocket is not supposed to inspire cheer-"

"No," Lysandre agreed easily, "but you can't go wrong with content employees."

"I'll drink to that," Guzma said with a lopsided grin.

"You'd drink to anything," Archie retorted.

"So would you!"

"This is true... Ghetsis!" the man in question jumped at Archie's sudden commanding tone. "Go on over to the nearest poke'mart and get us some booze. It's been a long day."

"Hey!" Ghetsis exclaimed in outrage. "Why do I have to go?"

"Because that's all we invite you here for," Guzma snorted.

"Hey." Lysandre glanced at Guzma. "Take it down a notch."

"Who do you think you are, man?" Guzma challenged, glaring daggers at Lysandre. "You can't tell me what to do."

"It was merely a suggestion, you can cool your teenage rebellion," Lysandre said with a sigh. He turned to Ghetsis. "Although it would be really great if you would get us something to drink."

Giovanni sighed and leaned his head in his hands. "Guys, look here-- I really do need to get back to the Silph building--"

"Yeah yeah," Archie waved his hand dismissively. "Come on, bro. It's already late. Why not just wait till morning?"

"Well," much to the surprise of everyone gathered, Giovanni actually seemed to mull his options over. "It would be nice, I suppose, to have a little time off. But I really can't leave my grunts in charge, they'll burn and pillage the whole city and somehow it'll be my fault. And what with Red and Blue both giving them such a hassle-- no, I really can't."

"Aw, come on," Guzma leaned forward and spread his hands wide. "I'm sure they'll be fine for the night, right? Or do you not train your goons to listen to your direct orders?"

Giovanni clenched his teeth and scowled at the insult. "Fine. I will sit and have one drink with you all."

"Yay!" Archie spun around to face Ghetsis at the opposite end of the table. "Well, what're you waiting for? Go on, get the liquor, mate!"

Ghetsis squared his jaw and glared but, after an intense staring contest in which he inevitably lost, reluctantly complied, rising stiffly from the table. "Come, Colress. You will assist me."

"You need help with this?" Colress asked dryly, as if he really hadn't expected any less. Ghetsis didn't grace Colress with an answer, and so, with a deliberately exaggerated sigh, Colress stood to follow his (technical) boss out of the room.

"Oh boy, this ought to be fun," Maxie muttered sarcastically to himself.

"You bet your ass it will be," Archie said, clapping Maxie on the back. Maxie scowled (again) and elbowed the other man.

"Dollar in the swear jar, Archie," Lysandre said with a sigh, sliding said swear jar across the table. Archie sadly deposited 100 pokedollars.

* * *

2 hours later

"It's okay, Cyrus," Colress said, awkwardly rubbing said villain's shoulder.

"Did you know my father never hugged me?" Cyrus sobbed in response, leaning into Colress's embrace. "Not once." He hiccupped and sniffled pitifully. "Maybe that's because he left when I was seven. Why wasn't I good enough for you, father?"

"At least your father didn't hit you with golf clubs," Guzma muttered irritably to himself.

Beside him, Lysandre jerked in alarm. "What did you just say?"

"Wow, this stuff is strong," Guzma replied loudly before abruptly downing another shot.

Lysandre frowned and looked down at his drink pensively. "Do you think... It's worth it? To kill so many living beings in order for my plan to prevail?"

"Don't tell me you're getting soft on us my friend," Giovanni teased lightly with a soft grin. Yes, the mafia boss was quite intoxicated to be as loose as he was, but to be fair, there wasn't a sober man in the room right now, so no one could call him out for it. "To be honest I don't remember what your plans are, but I'm sure they're reasonable because you seem like a good, sensible man." He accented this point by patting Lysandre's shoulder encouragingly.

Lysandre's eyes started to tear up. "Giovanni, that is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Oh come on." Guzma rolled his eyes irritably. "Is everybody here an emotional drunk? Where's the fun?" He turned to his other side to complain to Archie only to come face to face with the sight of the Aqua and Magma leaders with their tongues down each other's throats. "Oh come on," he repeated with a tsk of annoyance. "Seriously, get a room." He averted his gaze.

And then immediately regretted that decision when he caught Ghetsis's eyes across the table.

The older man was just sitting by himself, empty seats on either side of him. And he was just... staring. Guzma couldn't even tell if he was blinking.

Thoroughly creeped out, Guzma leaned back a bit. "Hey, what're you looking at?"

Ghetsis steepled his hands and lowered his head dramatically, but didn't cease his staring. "The beasts speak to me," he said lowly. "They talk about you."

"Oh, anything about me? What do they say?" Lysandre asked in excitement.

"All good things, I'm sure," Giovanni said, playfully batting Lysandre's arm.

"Oh, stop it," Lysandre giggled.

The conversation (could this even be called a conversation?) was interrupted with another loud sob from Cyrus, who was now staining Colress's lab coat with tears. "I was bullied incessantly for my intelligence all throughout my young life. They asked me why I didn't have emotions. Well I did, I did!"

"Sorry to hear that buddy," Colress said.

"Okay, that's it, this isn't nearly as fun as I thought it'd be." Guzma leaped out of his chair. "I'm outta here."

"Beware," Ghetsis intoned when Guzma's hand reached the doorknob. "Things are not as they seem, young child." He proceeded to begin chanting in another language.

"Yeah, yeah." Guzma had never been happier to leave a room, and by Arceus that was saying a lot.

“Yeah, Archie, maybe we should move this to another room,” Maxie said suggestively (which was actually hilarious, because Maxie trying to be suggestive was tragically awkward and clumsy).

“Arrr,” agreed Archie. They giggled in a very un-Maxie-and-Archie-like-way and made their way to the door.

“Have fun, you two,” Giovanni called cheerfully.

“Oh, dear.” Lysandre looked genuinely worried. “Use protection, boys. Just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean--”

“No, stop putting those images in my head,” Giovanni laughed (which should’ve been an oxymoron). He took another swig of his nameless alcoholic beverage. “Ghetsis,” he suddenly said very seriously, “please stop staring at us.”

“So, Giovanni,” Lysandre shifted to make himself more comfortable while also facing his new best friend. “I don’t know anything about you. What made you decide to be a tyrannical crime leader?”

“Oh, it’s quite the story, actually,” Giovanni began.

“And nobody came to my thirteenth birthday,” Cyrus continued. “Or my fourteenth, or my fifteenth…”

Colress sighed. “Alright, we're done here.” He carefully extracted himself from Cyrus and helped the poor man stand up. “Time for bed.”

“Thank you,” Cyrus blubbered. “I love you Colress.”

Colress wished he’d actually gotten the chance to drink some of the alcohol he’d bought, but resigned himself to take care of Cyrus for the rest of the night, as the man was so smashed he probably wouldn’t remember spilling his life’s story all over Colress’s person. That, and maybe, hopefully, the blue-haired individual would appreciate Colress’s assistance by the morning and they could have a nice, sober breakfast punctuated with actual intelligent conversation.

With that thought in mind, Colress helped Cyrus stumble out of the room.

“Just us, now,” Ghetsis said, in a sinister tone.

“Oh, would you look at the time,” Lysandre said, glancing uncomfortably at Ghetsis across the table. “It’s getting late. Giovanni, would you walk me to my hotel? It’s not too far.”

“Of course, best friend.” Giovanni smiled and booped Lysandre’s nose.

That left just Ghetsis, sitting vaguely drunk in an empty room. He propped his elbows on the table and smiled faintly. “Just as usual,” he said to himself. Yes, now he felt right at home.

The next meeting was… Tense, to say the least. Ghetsis had arrived with Colress first. Although they had to sit next to each other, neither of them acknowledged that the other was there, which made for an awkward few minutes before Giovanni entered.

“Good evening,” Colress said with a nod.

Giovanni grimaced. “It sure is.”

He reluctantly took his seat on Ghetsis’s other side and busied himself with flipping through the papers that the Rocket union had given him that morning (he’d already read it all and filled out the necessary paperwork on the plane, but this gave him an excuse to not speak to the other two villains).

Lysandre came in next, holding a fancy coffee from Lysandre Cafe and bearing a noticeably nervous expression. “Ah, hello,” he said. He risked a glance at Giovanni before setting his shoulders and sitting beside the Rocket Leader. Giovanni didn’t even look up (but if one looked closely they could see him shift awkwardly in his chair).

The silence dripped between the four evil leaders. The only sound was Giovanni rustling his papers at random and Lysandre loudly sipping his coffee.

Colress cleared his throat. “So, how are you two?”

Giovanni’s lips twitched into a frown. “Fine,” he said curtly. That wasn’t really true. Jesse and James had given him another horrible report this morning, and he and his team had taken a distressing loss in Celadon to that dumb kid just this week. Not to mention he’d ordered an iced americano this morning and the barista had given him an iced latte but he’d already left before he noticed so it was too late to get it fixed. And the Rocket union was asking for raises from their previously nonexistent salaries. But there was no point in ranting about it, especially since he had to report about Celadon once the meeting began anyway.

Lysandre shrugged noncommittally. “I certainly have been better, but haven’t we all?”

Colress nodded, and they lapsed into silence once again.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long for Cyrus to open the door.

Colress smiled genuinely and the tension melted from his shoulders. “Hello, Cyrus,” he said cordially, with such a soft expression Lysandre (Giovanni wasn’t paying attention and Ghetsis was staring distantly at the wall) wondered whether it was too soon to ask for an invitation to their wedding.

Cyrus nodded stiffly in response. “Colress.” He said nothing else, but when he sat down he casually scooted his chair over so the two scientists’ shoulders nearly touched.

Lysandre almost squealed in excitement, only managing to hide his thrilled smile behind the lip of his cup. The realization that both of them would probably die and never get their happy ending when he finally put his plan into action made the smile abruptly slip off Lysandre’s face.

Voices arguing down the hall announced the arrival of Archie and Maxie before the two even opened the door.

“You’re being ridiculous!” Maxie was shouting.

“ _ You’re  _ saying  _ I’m  _ ridiculous?” Archie cried back. “You’re the one who’s been avoiding me for the last month!”

“And if you had any sense you’d do the same,” Maxie seethed.

“Let’s remember here that  _ you  _ kissed  _ me _ !”

“You shut your whore mouth!”

Lysandre and Colress (and admittedly Giovanni) were trying (and failing) to suppress their snickering before the two came into the room, but honestly, hearing the normally reserved Maxie shout “shut your whore mouth” was the best thing that’s happened to any of them in weeks.

Unfortunately, the moment Archie marched irritably into the room, he stopped and glared. “Keep laughing and I’ll feed you to my Sharpedo.”

That shut everybody up nicely.

Unsurprisingly, Guzma was the last to show up. The Team Skull leader hadn’t even closed the door behind him before Giovanni was banging the gavel to commence the meeting. He didn’t even start with the official beginning of the Super Quite Unlawful Awesome Dudes speech.

“Um,” he began. His voice definitely did not crack. “So, we’ve run into some… difficulties. Team Rocket, that is. That creepy child and his loudmouth friend keep giving us a hassle.”

“You’re not on a first-name basis with the kid thwarting your plans?” Guzma asked in surprise. “You’d think you’d get to know each other a little by now.”

Giovanni blinked. “I do know their names, but they’ve been pissing me off… Wait, you are on a first-name basis with your rival?”

“Yeah,” Guzma said casually. “Moon’s great. She doesn’t need the ego boost though, so don’t tell her ya boy said that.”

“May and Brendan are awesome kids,” Archie agreed. “Brats, sure. But still awesome.” Beside him, Maxie nodded reluctantly.

“Given the chance, I would actually murder the kids trying to stop me and Team Plasma, without hesitation or remorse.”

“Why the Hell do we even invite Ghetsis?” Guzma groaned, leaning his head into his hands.

“Any other news?” Giovanni asked tiredly.

“Team Galactic took a loss at lakes Valor and Verity the other day,” Cyrus admitted. “However, it did not affect our goal much at all. We have already captured the trio of the lakes. Now all that’s left is a few rallies and a bit more planning, and we will finally create our perfect world.”

“Hmm.” Lysandre looked pensive. “I wonder who’s concept of a perfect world will prevail, yours, or mine?”

“Or mine?” Archie contributed helpfully. “Or Maxie’s stupid one?”

“You guys are so complicated,” Guzma complained. “You’re out here trying to make “perfect worlds” or whatever, like calm down, okay? Our world sucks and all but it ain’t as bad as a drowned planet,” he looked pointedly at Archie, then turned to Maxie, “or a desert wasteland. Or… Whatever creepy dimension you wanna send us to, or whatever the Hell your plans are,” he gestured vaguely at Lysandre, “I don’t even remember them. Giovanni’s over there running a mafia, I have my group of misfits, and that’s cool, that’s enough.” He rolled his eyes. “Y’all are just stupid.”

Everyone stared at Guzma in varying degrees of shock. Finally, Colress cleared his throat. “Well.” He pushed his glasses up his nose a bit. “Can’t say that wasn’t uncalled for.”

“You agree with him?” Cyrus turned to Colress with a somewhat betrayed expression.

“Uhh--”

“Anyway,” Giovanni sighed and stood from the table. “I think that’s enough for tonight, wouldn’t you agree? Perhaps my patience will return by next month’s meeting.”

“We haven’t even gotten to everyone yet,” Ghetsis whined. “I haven’t had the chance to boast about my accomplishments.”

“I will see you all next time,” Giovanni said, completely ignoring the other villain. “Oh,” he added hesitantly as he was about to walk through the door. “I, um, forgot to mention something. Unfortunately, my babysitter decided to go on vacation for a few months, and I have no one that I can entrust Silver’s care to. He’ll be accompanying me here to the next meeting.”

“You have a kid?” Guzma asked in bewilderment. Clearly, he was a very attentive member of these meetings.

“Why can’t you just leave him at home? Next month we’re in Kanto, anyway,” Maxie asked.

“No, the boy’s only eight and he already stays by himself much too often. I don’t want him to resent me by the age of ten and vow to destroy my organization or anything.”

“Yeah that would definitely not be fun,” Archie agreed. “Hey, if ya need to bring the little scamp along, go for it.”

“Yeah, I could get Moon to come, too. Arceus knows she needs any more friends, but she could keep him company so he stays out of our business.” When everyone glanced at Guzma in surprise, he scoffed. “Hey, it’s doing me a favor here. The more time she spends with her friends the less time she has to meddle with my team.”

“Hey, what the Hell, we’ll bring May and Brendan, make a damn playdate out of it,” Archie offered.

“I do not remember agreeing to allow  _ children  _ to overrun our meetings--”

“Why don’t you bring your son, Ghetsis?” Lysandre asked, cutting Cyrus’s complaints off before they could really begin.

“First of all, he is  _ not  _ my son,” Ghetsis said with a melodramatic roll of his eyes. “And second of all he’s a bit grounded until he figures out how to awaken that light stone of his. Besides,” he added quickly upon receiving several heated glares, “he’s 18, he couldn’t possibly stand to benefit from spending an hour and a half with an eight-year-old and two twelve-year-olds.”

“I can’t possibly stand to benefit from spending so much time with you,” Colress muttered to himself. “And yet here I am anyway.”.

“Anyway,” Giovanni sighed. “Glad to see that we’re all in agreement about the next meeting then.”

“Wait  _ just a minute--” _

“Goodbye now.” Giovanni didn’t even feel bad for interrupting Cyrus, or for the slamming of the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far, I really appreciate it! I know it's a little cringy, but I wrote this when I was 16 or 17 and I just wanted to finally share it with everyone lol. Fun fact, the title of this in my drafts is "the one where I forget about Lusamine" so I'm sorry about that but I legitimately just forgot about her when I wrote it. Also, believe it or not, I actually wrote this before rainbow rocket was a thing!  
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
